How Can I Be a Good Parent?

“Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.” Genesis 20:28

The stories in the Bible reveal faith, courage, perseverance, and devotion. They also expose people’s character flaws. One of the things we see in several stories in the Bible is terrible parenting, especially in the Old Testament.

We observe this even in some of the great heroes of the Bible, such as David. David’s family was a mess because his children were out of control. This was, in part, because of David’s bad example in his sin with Bathsheba. It gave his children permission to act on their lower impulses. David’s problem was also that he had too many wives and, therefore, too many children. He did not have time to raise and teach all the children he had. This was true of his son Solomon in an even greater way. With 700 wives, Solomon could not possibly have known the names of all his children.

Jacob was another person in the Bible who did not parent well. This was, in part, because his parents made serious parenting mistakes. Esau and Jacob were twins; the Bible says that their parents showed obvious favoritism. Isaac loved Esau more; Rebekah loved Jacob more. This terrible parenting practice would find its way into Jacob’s parenting. He showed favoritism toward his son Joseph, and it created many difficulties in the dynamic of his family.

The Bible gives parenting advice. Here are some wise and simple things the Bible says that parents should do.

• Be intentional about building faith in your children. “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). Take seriously your responsibility as a parent to build faith in your children. Don’t assume it is someone else’s role. One way to do this is to read the Bible to your children at night and help them read it themselves when they are able to read.

• Do practical things to implant faith in their hearts. “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children” (Deuteronomy 6:6,7). A first thing to tell your children is that there is a God who loves them and always watches over them. An excellent way to build faith in them is to pray with them every night before they go to sleep.

• Discipline your children fairly and wisely. “Do not withhold discipline from your child” (Proverbs 22:6). Discipline is good for children because it gives them boundaries. They feel safer knowing that they have boundaries. Discipline also lets them know that the world does not revolve around them.

• Balance discipline with grace and love. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). A Christian psychologist said that if you tell your children “No” about four times as often as you say “Yes,” you have found the right balance. In all your training, however, there must be grace, joy, and love. Keep the boundaries tight, especially early on, but let love abound.

Parents, and also grandparents, have a wonderful opportunity to impart wisdom, define boundaries, and implant moral principles. May God bless our families and make them places of encouragement, faith, and peace.